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Yer actual serious entry!
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hippo22 From: hippo22 Date: February 13th, 2005 12:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Your argument is a complete non sequitur IMHO. If you like someone, even just as a friend, why pick a particular day or days to say so. If you'd like to get to know someone better, just ask them if they'd like to meet for a coffee or a drink and a chat ?? More sophisticated 'dates' may or may not arise from this.

If they don't, move on *shrug*
martinoh From: martinoh Date: February 13th, 2005 06:05 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm in substantial agreement with your first paragraph, but don't accept that just moving on from a rejection, is always straightforward - it depends on the people involved (and I've seen some horror stories played out, particularly in the workplace). For this reason, the perceived consequences of asking someone out and being rejected can be fairly serious and *anything* that mitigates risk is therefore a good thing. If one is worried about harming an existing friendship/working relationship/other association or of being ridiculed or pitied for making a move, then irrespective of whether the fears are valid, the perceived risk is high and may outweigh the potential reward. The question is whether one can reduce either the odds or the consequences of rejection.

My own feeling is that in most cases one should be seen to be casual in any initial contact and build trust/intimacy from there; in many (though admittedly not all) cases people react better to a sense of balance in a relationship and the feeling that one party is already emotionally committed before the other has any real investment rarely leads to a comfortable situation.

That said, my own history doesn't give me much authority as a commentator on what it takes to establish a successful relationship...
6 thoughts or Share your thoughts